
while i was still trigger happy.
just did my make up and time was around 1235am.
waiting for Cherlene to be done before i cabbed down to pick her up.
damage from cab fare? $38bucks. hur.
Yesterday night was full of drama again. totally hate it. Yesterday we would have been tgt for 2years and 3 months. (or 2 years and 8, counting from then.) 27months of memories. or rather, 4-5 months since we broke up. ytd was my off day, from school, from work. spend the entire afternoon packing my room. didnt know where to start, first thing i picked was the stuff you gave me, packed into a box. re-reading letters, going thru photos. One of the letter signed off with "Happy days together". told myself not to be silly, put the letters back and sealed the box. continue with my packing. room is clean now. just yet to place everyth back to where they belonged. soft toys are going deep at the back of the cupboard. your clothes into the drawer designated for you. gonna throw away your tooth brush. recycled your towel into mine. everyday in this room is a haunting memory of you. playing dota on our laptops tgt, the mindwar games, i slowly won you in them because i understand you and your patterns. trips down to the supermarket in the middle of the night, you piggyback me at my every request. watching movie after movie tgt hiding beneath my blanket. hours and hours spend snuggling tgt. refused to think anymore, got online, only to hear bout you from others. frankly speaking i'm so tired of all these "sightings". i dont have to know them, but they keep coming.
prepared and head down to zouk, told myself i was gonna have a good night regardless. getting friggin high for awhile. super enjoying myself and there and then, you just had to walk in to kill the night. bursting into tears the moment i saw you there. cause it really killed me. our conversation from a week ago. i really hate the drama, hate crying + puking. how many times have we quarreled outside zouk? its just nonsensical. trying to pick a fight with people who have been there for me this period of time is worst. people who know what i've been going through. but no you have not done anyth to make me feel better.
there's no point telling me that everyone can see you still love me, because i dont see what i want to see. change. dont tell me you've changed, if you did it was only for the worst. you know clearly what i want, and you know clearly despite evidently this is hurting me so much, but i'm still willing to take everything in. you should know what to do.
I bet if Edna would ever read this now, she'd laugh, laugh at me for being in such a state, because seems like you did to me what you did to her too. and i'll stay here and laugh at the next girl, because you are you, you'll do the same to her too. you'll keep talking bout me now, just like how i had to endure listening to your stories bout her, slowly, your acts will appear, do shit to her, and then it'd be my turn to laugh. i'll find it hilarious that she'll go thru whatever you did to me to her. then it'd be too late to save your sorry ass.
i'm tired of this game, how many times do i have to put this accross to you that i'm not interested? Go ahead and win, is there a prize to this? we are all losers anyway. just leave me out of it.
chinese songs always make me an emo nemo.
the MV seems like us, the lyrics hit even harder. whenever you sing this song with the guys, i have the urge to tell you this seems like us. so painful.






